A Celebration and a Promise

January 21, 2012 at 7:53 pm 2 comments

It was actually very anticlimactic. I got on the scale today and saw THE NUMBER. The one I have been waiting for the past seven months. I have a weight recorder on my phone with which I have been keeping up with my progress since I started on this weight-loss journey. When I record my weight, it tells me my BMI. Then it tells me where I am in terms of health. For example when I first started it said, “31.3…obese.” Eek! I did not like seeing the “o” word. Then I got down to “29.7…overweight.” Okay, that is slightly better. I can say “overweight” without feeling like an utter failure. Still, I wanted so badly to see “29.5…healthy.” I imagined the day. I saw myself jumping up and down, squealing in delight as I looked at the brightly shining scale. Maybe I would cry as I told my husband that I had finally reached my goal. Definitely I would walk on Cloud Nine all day. The air would smell sweeter and angels would sing in the heavenlies. Not so much.

I woke up this morning feeling like what I’m sure dog poo must feel like: abandoned, stinky, and crappy. I have a terrible cold. Really, it’s the worst I’ve had in at least a couple of years. So, I grudgingly scraped myself out of bed and shuffled into the bathroom. After getting rid of a little water weight, I flushed the toilet and limped over to the scale for my weekly weigh-in. When I looked down, there it was, in all it’s digital, red glory. The number that I knew corresponded to the “healthy” word that I have been expectantly anticipating. I could barely manage a smile. So…one more ideal down the tube. “But the title suggests a celebration,”  you say. And I know this does not seem very celebratory. But the truth is that even though the scale didn’t throw confetti and no light shone down from the sky, I am celebrating, in my own cold-infected way. It wasn’t the Earth-moving event I thought it would be, but deep inside I can feel the difference. This celebration is more of just the knowledge that I have spent time and energy and accomplished a goal I set out to accomplish. No crazy emotions,  just the simple pride of achievement. Which in a way is a little sweeter. More real. I have lost 40 lbs., lost 10% of my body weight…twice, and made myself much healthier and (let’s face it) prettier than I was. Even if my nose is missing skin on the tip from rubbing it raw, that is cause to celebrate!

I greeted this day not only with quiet celebration, but with a promise to myself: I will never again apologize for how I look. Not to others and, more importantly, not to myself. I will never again whine to others about how fat I look. I will never bemoan my rolls. I won’t look at my tummy and wish to myself that it was flatter.  I won’t talk about how big my butt is. I won’t grumble about my legs that still touch. I won’t moan about flab on my arms. That. Is. Done. Period. I have never in my life been healthy. I have worked so hard to get where I am, and my body has made all that possible. My body has served me well as I have walked every night and denied it food every day. I will honor all the choices I’ve made. I will not apologize. I am healthy and I am beautiful. So as I finish today, I will go to bed knowing that I have done a good job and that I will continue to work in the future. And I will do it all knowing that I have a body that I do not – and will not – have to apologize for. Despite the head cold, today is a good day.

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Entry filed under: Addiction and Help, Life. Tags: , , , , , .

Pictures When the Scale Stops Moving

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. rockafellaskank  |  January 23, 2012 at 12:17 am

    Today is a very good day. Congratulations… but not just because of the number on the scale, but for everything you’ve done to get there and for being fitter and healthier than ever before.

    Yay!

    Reply
    • 2. skinnygirlrobbins  |  January 23, 2012 at 7:39 pm

      If that is the case then every day is celebration worthy. I like that!

      Reply

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