Small Victories

December 15, 2011 at 2:42 am 2 comments

I love to celebrMountains - Klondike Highwayate the small victories. Not in some Christmas-special, I-know-what’s-truly-important-now kind of way. I celebrate the small victories because I know that if I didn’t, the failure would overtake me. It seems like the failure is much easier to see than the success. It’s like looking at a huge mountain you have climb. You should have been at the top already (hence the failure), but you know you have to keep going. So you keep trudging on, working as hard as you possibly can, tiring after only a few feet. You see the top, where you’re supposed to be. And that’s all you can see. You don’t look see how far you’ve come, because all you can think is, Holy jeez, it still looks just as high! I’m never going to make it. All you see is what is still left to do. I look in the mirror today and, to me, the girl looking back looks just like she did pre-weightloss. Those thighs are still so thundery. Belly still too full of jelly. So I think, Surely nothing has changed. This is the image I remember from then. Can it be different? It can get very discouraging quickly.

Which is why I celebrate each victory that comes along. At the end of the day, when I am soaking away the daily craziness in my tub, my mind starts to list all the things I did wrong: maybe I shouldn’t have taken that second helping at dinner. Did I really need that piece of candy I ate after lunch? It would be enough to make you say, “Screw it. If I’m such a failure, I might as well go down in a blaze of chocolate!” But when I start feeling that predictable condemnation, I recount to myself all the ways I did better that day than I did before: I took a second helping at dinner, but I didn’t take that third or forth. I picked a “fun-size” piece of candy instead of the one that contains all of my calorie needs for the week. And at lunch, I ate very healthy. I am making a conscious effort to turn around and see how far down the bottom truly is instead of only freaking out at the distance left to go.

That is the kind of thing that keeps me going every day. Sure there are failures. Of course I look back and think “I could be Lindsay Lohan’s fat sister with all the dumb stuff I do.” But the victories are what is important. Six months ago, I would fall off the wagon daily, hourly even. Then I would spend my nights depressed about how utterly pathetic I was. I would promise myself it would be different then promptly break that promise the second I woke up the next day. Yes, today is a better day. Today, I know that focusing on the good helps me keep my promise to correct the bad. I am not where I want to be yet, but each day ends not with broken promises to myself uttered from hopeless lips. Now, at the end of the day, I dust myself off, look around, and think, “Heck yes! One more victory!”


Entry filed under: Addiction and Help. Tags: , .

Hope, Not Hate Party Day

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. rockafellaskank  |  December 15, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    That’s so very true – that you need to celebrate the small victories or small wins. I’m overly negative as well so like you I hope that EVENTUALLY all of the small positives will take hold and I’ll feel more in control.

    So… I’m not focussing on the chocolate I ate yesterday, instead, on the fact that I didn’t get out of bed to eat more last night when I couldn’t sleep AND the fact that I just did a really hard circuit class at the gym!

    Love the small victories!


    • 2. skinnygirlrobbins  |  December 16, 2011 at 1:26 pm

      That is exactly right! I know that if I don’t focus on the small things, tomorrow I will do even worse.


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